


Repulsed

by ccbgb



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: 30secondstomalec, Asexuality, Coming Out, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Tumblr Giveaway Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-31 01:06:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3958660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ccbgb/pseuds/ccbgb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A prompt given to me by 30secondstomalec for her character Naer'Alya Lavellan for a giveaway she won! <br/>Naer'Alya is in a relationship with Solas but when Sera mentions "Elven Glory" and "Banging Bits", Naer becomes uncomfortable as she has never confessed her asexuality to anyone and believes herself to be broken for being uncomfortable with the thought of sex as staples of relationships.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Repulsed

“I’ve seen how you look at him. You’re in it.”

Naer’Alya froze, blood rushing to her cheeks. “Sera, that isn’t what I ask-“

“Bet he calls out, ‘Elven Glory’ when he does it.”

The back of Naer’s neck prickled in discomfort. Sera didn’t seem to notice how Naer’s body had stiffened, jaw tight, hands clenched. She kept talking.

“It’s boring, really.”

“Sera-“

“The elf always takes the elf so that bumping bits will _mean_ something.”

“Sera!”

Sera looked over, eyebrows furrowed, annoyed at being interrupted. Her eyes scanned Naer’s posture and her expression shifted to one of confusion.

“What’s got your panties in a bunch, then?”

Words caught in Naer’s throat, choking her. Her lips trembled, aching to move, to spit, to curse. Air whistled past them instead, hasty words forced back down into her chest, heavy and wet.

Naer wheeled about and ran out the door.

She heard Sera give a short chase but Naer nimbly leapt over the railing down to the ground floor of the tavern. It was still early, by human drinking customs, so landing on an empty table did not draw as many eyes as she had feared. Sera shouted something down to her but she did not hear. She was too busy running out the door.

Naer ran for some time, her chest weighed down by fear and self-loathing. When the weight became too much she finally stopped. She looked about and found herself in one of the abandoned towers along the battlements. An old ladder was propped against the crumbling cobblestone of the second floor.

Sky shone through cracks and holes in the ceiling, a broken window to the west welcoming beams of sunlight. The ladder looked much too old, possibly rotting, but Naer decided to take her chances. She longed to sit in the window, face to the sun, where no one would find her.

The ladder held up to her weight for the first few rungs but the fourth broke beneath her foot. Before it completely gave way, she clung to the broken floor, swinging her weight with the break. The ladder began to fall and with one last push against an unbroken rung, the rest of her body rolled on to the second floor of the tower. She sat up, face to the window, allowing herself a moment of pride. The pride hitched in her chest, however, and the wellspring of tears that she had been holding back since the tavern burst forth.

Naer did not cry loudly or messily. She was too old for that. When she lad lived with the clan one of the other hunters had asked to bond with her. His promise of love had come with promises of many children. She had declined, racing to the forest to cry messily with shame. Now her tears were refined after many years of learning to weep silently. She sat, stoic, on the ledge of the window, feet dangling, sun reflecting the quiet stream of tears that rushed down her skin.

There was a shift of air behind her, tickling her hair against her shoulders in a soft breeze. The wind was not headed in that direction today. She turned just as a hand lay softly upon her shoulder.

“Vhenan.”

Naer wiped the tears off her face quickly, attempting to hide her sorrow. “Solas,” she responded, her voice cracking, betraying her, “How did you find me?”

“Unfortunately, as the Inquisitor, you have very little privacy.”

Naer nodded and thanked the Gods that no one else had decided to see what was wrong. Then truth dawned on her.

“Then someone overheard-“ she started frantically.

Solas squeezed her shoulder gently, “It was only the Iron Bull.”

She was too emotionally exhausted to be relieved. Instead she slumped forward and looked at her feet. She knew the questions would start soon.

“Why did Sera’s comments, crass as they were, hurt you, vhenan?”

Naer took a deep breath, it’s shaky exhale unable to calm her completely. She had foreseen this conversation happening- it _had_ to happen if she loved him. She just wished it had happened differently, on her terms, not Sera’s.

“Ir abelas, vhenan, but I am-“ The words stuck in her throat, begging to be said, lips trembling in anticipation for the second time that day. “I am broken.”

His hand softly stroked her hair. She closed her eyes, trying to breathe evenly.

“Broken how?” he asked quietly.

“I do not- I can not- agh, fenedhis!”

“Take your time.”

Naer inhaled through her nose, puffing out her chest. “I do not feel the need or want for sexual attention or acts. I do not look at a person and think of how they are in bed. I am… _repulsed_ by the thought of mating. It has always been so and I fear will always be. I do not want to perpetuate elven culture by having children and thus have failed my clan and our race.”

The words seemed to tingle as they left her lips, free from her chest for the very first time. Her muscles twitched, shaking ever so slightly in fear, tears escaping her eyes once more, their silent march down her face unnoticed.

After what felt like a long silence, Solas’s arms wrapped around her midriff in a gentle hug.

“Vhenan, you are not broken and you have not failed the People. There is no shame in it but for the shame you have perpetuated against yourself. You are strong and lovely, and no one can fault you for your preferences. You are you. I see nothing broken about that.”

His words seemed to cut the last cord of tension within her. Immediately her entire body crumpled against his and her held back sobs escaped in relief. Solas pulled her back from the window ledge and held her in his arms as she allowed herself messy tears for the first time since leaving her clan. He held her tightly and stroked her hair, her tears of relief soaking into his furs.

When her tears began to dry up she managed to choke out, “You do not regret me, vhenan?”

“Never. Ar lath ma.”

“Ar lath ma.”

He kissed her forehead and she smiled, feeling safe and secure with someone for the first time in a long while. They stayed amongst the ruined cobblestones, the sun shining on their faces for some time. All the while, Naer’s heart soared, finally free from its chains.

_I am not broken. I am free._

**Author's Note:**

> 30secondstomalec, Im not sure I ever told you, but this prompt really hit home for me. I discovered the word/definition of asexuality when I was in a 2 year long relationship and I finally had a word for what I had experienced all my life without knowing. I always thought I was broken and so I'd fake sexual attraction and willingness to try and feel right. Now I'm (mostly) out and writing this was an absolutely cathartic experience. Thank you for entering the giveaway and I hope that whatever liberties I took with Naer were acceptable. Thank you for this opportunity and thank you for being patient!


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